lessinayear

I’ve not written a blog in a couple of weeks. This is a busy time of year for my job; that’s the main reason. I’ve also been trying to spend a little less time online in general, a little more time engaged with the “real world,” if you know what I mean…

I’ve been doing pretty well in terms of exercise. There have been some off days, but my boyfriend and I are going to the gym together with increasing consistency. I have to be the instigator of it, but he’s a very willing participant, and it’s starting to become a little more of a routine. I’m hopeful that within the next couple of weeks, when our fall schedule is really in place, we can be even more dedicated.

I started my fall grad school classes last week, and I have another one tonight. That adds a level of complication… But hey, what doesn’t, you know?

Basically I’m rocking along — not losing, but maintaining. I feel like I’m right on the brink of having a good loss week, and that will be a majorly motivating factor.

Anyway, that’s the boring update on my life. Will try to be a bit more active and talkative. Blessings to you ladies (and gents) who are reading!

I’ve been MIA for about a week — sorry about that, friends! I was out of town Friday through LATE Monday, and then Tuesday was a totally lost day trying to catch up at work. Yesterday was better… Till I had a huge new project thrown at me. It’s just been a crazy few days, even for checking e-mail and stuff.

So let’s see… Over the weekend my boyfriend and I went to Canton, Ohio, for the NFL Hall of Fame inductions and expo game. We’re Titans fans, so it was a great game for us! We were there with one of his college friends, who’s a Bills fan — it was a little less fun for him. But truly, it was a great time getting to meet some of his friends, hang out, and watch some football! (I think I’m an overall happier person during football season!)

We left to head home on Monday, and stopped in Cincinnati at King’s Island to ride roller coasters on the way home! It was wonderful! We had such a good time. We both love stuff like that — it was a really great way to spend an afternoon. Of course, it meant getting home super-late…

And, when we got home, it was to my boyfriend’s smoke detectors going off. They’re all hard-wired together through his alarm system, so if one goes, they all go… There was no fire, thank goodness, but his alarm system is ALL jacked up. We were up till the wee hours of the morning trying to get the alarms to shut up, figure out the issue, call repair people… Boo.

Poor boyfriend… He’s having a really hard time lately. He has gained some weight — not a ton, but some — and he’s feeling really bad about it. He knows I find him attractive, but he’s worried about his health (his dad is significantly overweight, and he doesn’t want to start down that path). He’s pondering doing Weight Watchers. I’ve never tried it, but it doesn’t seem like my kind of plan… However, as boyfriend acknowledged, he does a lot better when there’s a “system” to anything he’s attempting, so it may be great for him. We talked about it a lot yesterday and I’ve told him I’m 100% behind whatever he wants to do, and I’ll cook whatever we need to, help him keep track of points (or however it works — I’m clueless!), continue to be the gym motivator (even more so)…

I just don’t want him to feel bad about himself. He’s too wonderful for an extra 20-25 pounds to make him this upset.

I think the next couple of weeks will be interesting as we figure out what plan will work best for him and really (re)commit to our health.

Last night my boyfriend came over after work. It had been a pretty tough Monday for both of us, so we were in agreement that we wanted a quiet, do-nothing kind of night. We curled up and started flipping through stuff on TV and came across the new ABC show “Dating in the Dark.” We’d seen previews, we both thought it looked intriguing, and it was totally the brain candy we were looking for. So we settled on watching that.

The premise of the show, for those who aren’t familiar, is that three men and three women, all strangers, are brought in to meet one another and go on dates in a completely blacked out room. In other words, it’s simulated blindness, so you’re forced to get to know the person without a visual.

Last night’s show involved a woman named Megan. My best guess is that Megan was probably a size 8, MAYBE 10. In other words, she wasn’t “model thin,” but she was not overweight in anyone’s book… Anyone’s, that is, except Matt (I think his name was). Matt and Megan really hit it off in the dark. They chose each other for their various dates, they seemed really compatible, etc. But when they hugged each other, Matt was trying to assess Megan’s size — and after the date, he was talking to the other guys about how she was “too thick” and he really wasn’t sure he could date her long-term. And when they were revealed to one another, and he saw her, he was clearly not pleased. The show ended with him agreeing to take her on another date — in the light — but it was seemingly obvious that it wasn’t a long-term thing, and that he was probably hoping for a little easy action before finding someone whose appearance was more to his liking.

At least that was our interpretation of it. And my boyfriend was so pissed about it. When the term “thick” was thrown out, he was like, “Which of those girls is ‘thick’? What the hell?” And when Matt was debating whether Megan was pretty and thin enough to date, I thought my boyfriend was going to throw something at the TV; he called the guy all kinds of names I won’t recount here…

I know I need to lose weight. But I love my boyfriend so much for loving me regardless of that. At 200 pounds, I know he loves me as much as he would at 120 pounds — or 250 pounds or whatever. That sort of security and confidence is so important and valuable, and I am so thankful for him giving me that.

I’m also glad he’s not an a$$ like the guys they get for TV dating shows.

This week has been a challenging one, on a lot of levels. I did my weigh-in and, for the first time since joining BuddySlim, I’d gained — boo! I got some test results back from my annual checkup, and there are some issues that are going to require a follow-up visit and some more tests — boo (and a little scary)! Work has been monstrous lately (big special events that require a lot of my time and effort) — boo! My boyfriend’s family’s house was burglarized earlier in the week — boo (and again, scary)!

I actually could go on and on; this week is kind of one for the record books in terms of bad, annoying, and/or upsetting things that have happened.

So how have I responded? Well, I’ve used those things as excuses: excuses not to go to the gym (too tired, don’t feel well, need to work late, need to spend time with boyfriend); excuses to eat too much and drink more than I usually do (but I’m so stressed out…this glass of wine will help, cheese is my comfort food). EXCUSES, EXCUSES, EXCUSES!

I’m frustrated with myself, because I’m better than that. Everyone has bad days (and weeks — hell, months and years, sometimes!). I need to get my act together and not let something bad in one small area of my life affect the rest of my life — or my commitment to myself and my overall health.

It’s just gotten me to thinking — if you’re looking for an excuse, you can always find one. And if you’re looking for a reason to be motivated and dedicated, you can find that too. So, the question is, which one are you looking for?

OK, so this past week I let my schedule get the best of me. I skipped the gym at lunch to work. I didn’t go to the gym after work so I could spend time with my boyfriend. I let school and work and other outside commitments get in the way of my commitment to me. And that’s got to stop.

I know that it’s not going to be a fast fix, losing this weight, and I know there are going to be setbacks along the way. But I know I need to be committed, 100%, or it’s going to be a lot harder, a lot longer, a lot more frustrating. This is in my hands, and I need to take the responsibility and BE onboard with myself in achieving this.

So this week, I’m going to be committed. I’m going to take the time I need for myself to do what I want and need to do for my body. And next week, when I weigh myself, the scale is going to be BELOW 202.

I know how annoying it is when women won’t shut up about how great their boyfriends/husbands are. I know, because for YEARS I have been the one without a significant other to speak of, and it’s annoying to have it thrown in your face all the happiness you’re missing. So for years I bounced around from guy to guy, looking for some semblance of this great relationship it seemed like all of my friends and acquaintances had. Needless to say, that didn’t really work out so well…

So I had determined a long time ago that I was never going to get married. I’m very self-sufficient, successful in my career, etc. I do want kids, but I have done some extensive investigation into adoption, and was fully prepared to go down that path alone.

All of this is to say, I don’t want to be “that girl” who’s always gushing about her man. But, I’ve been realizing a lot lately that having FINALLY found the right man, it really DOES make a difference in other aspects of your life, in ways I hadn’t anticipated.

I want to be clear that I’m in no way trying to lose weight “for him.” And it is certainly not something he has, or ever would, asked me to do. In fact, he tells me every day, several times a day, how beautiful I am. And I appreciate that and I believe him: I AM beautiful! But I’m also overweight (obese, in fact — how I hate that word!), and I would be healthier and happier with myself if I lost weight. And having his support in other aspects of my life makes me feel like I can lose weight.

In skimming through folks’ blogs, I’ve seen a lot of people talking about their relationships, or lack of relationships, and I know the effect they can have. Especially for some of you ladies who are younger — in your late teens and early 20s — please take some advice from an “old” gal over 30:

1. You’re FAR better off on your own than with someone who treats you badly.
2. If he’s not supportive of you in your goals — whether that’s your weight loss, your work, your school, your hobbies, whatever — he’s not worth your time.
3. Even if it feels like it’s never going to get better for you, it will. The things I was worried about when I was 22 make me kind of laugh now. That’s not to make light of anything anyone is going through — it’s just to say that hindsight is 20/20 and some perspective on any problem helps an awful lot.
4. When you find someone who loves you like they’re supposed to, you’ll wonder what the heck you were thinking all those times before. But don’t beat yourself up about mistakes and “wasted time”; you were learning lessons that made you stronger and got you ready for the good stuff!
5. It’s a two-way street — when you find someone good, be good back to him. It’s not always perfect, but it should feel like perfection is possible with him.

So, those are my relationship ramblings for the day. I’ve just been thinking about it since I woke up… The alarm went off and he rolled over and spooned up behind me and put his arm around me, and about the time I thought, “I’m so gross — I wish I didn’t have these stupid fat rolls on my stomach for him to have to touch,” he said, “Every day I feel so lucky to be in love with you.” And I decided to listen to him instead.